Utter devastation filled the once bustling streets with destruction and
debris. Under the rubble, muffled cries could be heard from the terrified
citizens, hoping to be let free. Many mighty homes and buildings which once
stood high and proud now lay in ruins. Scattered memories strewn across the
city showing how life was before total chaos. The stench of death filled the air.
Scared silence wondered about, looking for life. As lifeless as a graveyard,
the city was ruined.
*i like your opening sentence
ReplyDelete*also the clauses
* A very detailed piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the description - scattered memories strewn across the city.
It is really good you included really good vocabulary and good similes.
ReplyDeleteIt is great because you included brillant vocabulary and similes.
ReplyDeleteI like Your work ayman you used alot of complex sentances.WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent piece of work. I liked the similes and I liked the vocabulary you used.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you compared past with present and your use of subordinate clauses. Maybe you could make sure it makes complete sense.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your writing.
ReplyDeleteYou used some excelent vocab eg; Bustling, scattered, muffled.
I really liked your similie: as lifeless as a graveyard, the city was ruined.
* I think you could have used some short sentences for effect.
A very detailed piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the description - scattered memories strewn across the city.
you could have improved your work by adding more descriptive language and level 5 openers and connectives.
it was an intresting piece of writng and quite poetic
A very detailed piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the description - scattered memories strewn across the city.
you could have improved your work by adding more descriptive language and level 5 openers and connectives.
it was an interesting piece of writing and quite poetic fabulous story opening i really like your work and hope you continue doing so well you may also get a fab level 6 you never know!!! well done!!!!!!!!!