The
Monster
My eyes couldn’t believe what they saw, my heart
pounded, pounded and pounded. Swiftly, I dropped my flashlight and ran as I
fast as I could. Towering over me breathing, licking his lips… I fell, I
stopped, I breathed thinking it was my last breath… it glared into my eyes a
glare of death… Before I could get up, his hand transformed into a fist, coming
towards me… I screamed an ear-splitting scream. He stopped its hands unclutched
and turned around. I sighed in relief, but he rapidly charged into me. I raced
to the end of the path and at that moment I felt talons piercing my back…
this amazing piece of work is fantastic and it has good vocabublary and you had power of 3 words.
ReplyDeleteYou used good connectivs and vocabulary, however theres too many elipses(...) Maby change one to an exclamaition mark(!).
ReplyDeleteyou have a fantastic peice of work but there is to many of the same puntuation you used to many elipses
ReplyDeleteI really liked your work you did really well on your vcop but you could of used less elipsis
ReplyDeletestar - you used the power of 3
ReplyDeletewish - use more punctuation
I really like your work you used very good vocabulary well done.
ReplyDelete