In the toilets, were 2
boys, their names John and Tom. They were just washing their hands when all of
a sudden the fine bell rang. “Let’s get outside quick Tom!” yelled John, his
voice muffled by the noise of the fire bell. John pushed at the door however it
did not open. Tom and John tried again and again but still the door remained
firmly locked.
“Help, Help!” shouted
John, kicking and slamming his fists against the door, trying to grab the
slightest bit of attention from someone.
“Stop John, calm
down!” exclaimed Tom, dragging him away from the door, that had a few bumps
after John’s punches and kicks.
“Just be patient,
sooner or later when people come to look for us we can yell for help ok?” said
Tom, trying to sound comforting.
“Ok.” Said John with
tears dripping from his eyes, as he slid to the rock floor with sad emotions on
his face. Tom’s determination soon faded as he wondered what if nobody comes to
the toilets? Will they die in the toilets or get rescued but they must just
wait and see…
I licked the way you said rock floor and also the way you ended it with a ellipse.
ReplyDelete*in the meanwhile you could check your spellings. As instead of writing fire you write fine
The cliff hanger at the end makes it sound very suspicious
ReplyDelete* next time try to use more drop in clauses!
*You have used a cliff hanger
ReplyDelete*You have used different words for said
You have made a mistake. You wrote fine bell when its meant to be fire bell